How I didn't die on Halloween.

The week of Halloween, I got a strange package from FedEx. I thought, Strange. Since I never ship anything to my apartment. I have everything delivered to work. I went to the FedEx store on Halloween to pick it up and picked up a 12x12, large box, with just a return address from downtown Manhattan on it, but no name.

I started opening the box in the FedEx store because I thought it must have been a mistake and I would give it back to return to sender. But then, in the mounds of packaging peanuts, I came across three, black plastic roses. Err. I dug a little more and found two red Mardi Gras-style masquerade masks. Um. 

That's when logical thought took over:

Shit. I have a stalker.

But I'm so careful. How could I have a stalker? How could someone get my address? This is why I shouldn't live alone.

I decided I couldn't return the box to the sender because I might need it as evidence when I went to the police to tell them about my stalker and why I was going to get killed in my sleep, so I took the box and started walking home without finding out the rest of the contents. (I could feel it was something heavy, but at least it didn't smell like a dead animal or something...)

My heart was pounding as I was walking home. I was thinking about throwing that box in every garbage can I passed, or going home and packing up my kitties and hopping on the first train out of the city, or you know, that I was going to get murdered in my sleep.

But I also thought, There has to be a reasonable explanation.

At home, I was brave enough to continue digging through the packaging peanuts, all the while thinking that they were laced with Anthrax or another equally disagreeable poison. And then I found three large, black candles.

And two very nice, low ball glass tumblers.

And two glass coasters.

And then, a martini shaker.

Holy shit. I have a STALKER who wants to get me drunk!

And just then, when I thought for sure that someone must have hacked one of the countless online dating profiles that I have created and abandoned after 3 hours...

I found a teeny, tiny business card tucked in the cardboard in the bottom of the box.

From Patron XO Cafe, Patron's Facebook page.

I had entered a Facebook giveaway and completely forgot about it. Oops.

But, way to go, Patron, I thought you were a psycho stalker trying to seduce/kill me! Try a return label next time!

(Not that I don't appreciate the gift).

I left this comment on the Facebook page to express my sentiments. Patron never got back to me.

In short, I actually won a giveaway for once! And I didn't even have to die.

P.S. I wish I would have taken pictures of this whole process, but unfortunately, I was too busy thinking I was going to die. And then, I was so mad at Patron that I actually threw away the masks, the candles, and the plastic roses... but I clearly kept the glasses and shaker.